Кевин (mmn) wrote,

[FO] What's also really making everything worse...

... is not only not being able to feed and clothe myself, but my father who our relationship can only be described as estranged basically went through some bad times and has been in contact.

His brother who is probably about the same age as him died.  He got a call on his birthday that his brother was in hospital dying.  His brother (one of many) was also estranged from the entire family, drunk himself to death and has shook him and the family up.  Him and his wife (my father) are in a pretty shit financial position so they had to find the money out of nowhere, book a very last minute flight (basically they drove to the airport) and all he had on him was his passport, what he was wearing and had $5 cash.

So his wife and him have contacted me after all this time, initially seeing if I would be able to make it down there (the hospital/London) which I couldn't since I literally have 33p to my name.

I've now got a BBIM/Email from my father letting me know when the funeral is and that the family (he comes from 10 brothers and sisters) want to meet me along with him keeping in contact more.

The funeral is on the 17th, which I can't go to because I haven't two pennies to rub together to get there, I haven't even a suit to wear even if I could and on top of that I look like a bloody scruff as I haven't had a haircut since November.

I actually don't know what I'm going to do, if I don't show up it's basically seem that I'm just being an ultimate cunt chops and I will probably never meet the lot of them (they live in Ireland, Spain, Canada, The USA, everywhere which they are all making it in - and I can't even get in from BRISTOL).  I can't borrow the money to go there, I haven't a credit card, my credit rating is so low that even Pay Day lenders won't touch me any more, even if I could get a pay out from one of them I haven't the means to pay them back, so I'd be committing a criminal act.  I've also borrowed from friends and family to make it through January so I can't go down that road again.

It's so FRUSTRATING considering what's gone down for him to speak to me again (there is a long unhappy story why we didn't really talk up until this point).

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