Instead I left my fast paced media career and moved on to desk jobs, slapped on some fat and angered lesbians. OH GOD WHY?
Obviously I've got myself stuck in a rut and have been for quite sometime now, which is a shame since I am fucking superstar material and you better bloody well believe it. So I must make this end and resume my course of stardom and leaving behind the best damn corpse you ever cracked one off over. My first step as a recovering boring git is to lose the weight. Being fat is shit in such an unbelievably bad way. You feel crap so you eat and eating loads makes you fat. Can we all see the inherent unfairness in this system?
I's become obvious I've got little to no will power so next to bulimia and anorexia I'm shit out of luck, although if I did go down that path I could start posting pics of my skeleton on pro_ana communities, OMG I SO WANT TO BE AN PRO_ANA SUPERSTAR, which also works out for me as I'd like to find a rich doctor, better get that BUPA scheme set-up before I go all skinny and refuse to eat, I'll never find a rich doctor on the NHS.
But in all seriousness I need to cut back on the fat ass foods and go from 18 meals a day to one. Yes, seriously one. Where I work is 1.3 miles away from a whopping large Tesco, so every day I shall walk and buy my lunch from there. That gives me 1 hour of continuous walking (which is good cos I'm not fucking well walking 30 miles to work and 30 miles back KTHNX) plus whatever I can motivate my big fat jumbo ass back into.
My second step to my road to recovery is getting back in to my fast paced media career, my brain is dead from data entry and inactivity which is so not cool. I am a very creative guy and when I get my confidence I can be a real jerk too which fits in surprisingly better than you think (oh and I have no morals either). But that requires me to save up so I can work somewhere for free for bleeding ages, which is so totally in the life script.
And then following back from that is becoming the Internet star I was years ago with my cracking ass and fast paced media career, then I shall be on top (or bottom if required - call for rates).
Oh to be me again.
Now I've completely managed to ADD off course and can't remember what I was going to write, so I must bid you farewell and all that malarkey. Now get of my fucking potatoes you hear?!